Here I am, treading through the worst anxiety I have ever had in my life. I think it all started on Wednesday, when the realization of going to Lubbock this weekend hit me. I started thinking about how much we left behind, how much we gave up and how much I miss what I had. I miss my house terribly, I miss Ms. Crystal and Ms. Kelly our babysitters, I miss Jerrid and Amy, I miss Green lawn and one of the things I miss the most is Superkids. Then it hit me that perhaps we will never find a house here. What if that never happens? I have issues with moving it appears, perhaps because between the time I was 7 and 12 we moved 6 times. My parents packed us up and left our house behind when I was 7. The economy was bad then too. It took them the better part of 5 years to get us back together- I feel like that is happening to my family, we are so displaced and it is really getting to me.
I know that Greg and I picking up our family and moving was the best thing we could do for our marriage-which was struggling, and getting out from our HUGE mortgage payment and getting better paying jobs was right for our family as well.
My parents have been a lifesaver this weekend. Yesterday I sat and talked to my mom for about 2 hours and I think it really helped me. The symptoms are still here. My skin is crawling, my heart races and my muscles are achy. I will get through it.
For the better part of 5 years, I have taken zoloft for depression. It is time for a change-hopefully tomorrow my dr. will be able to switch my medicine and give me some relief. Man, I have had alot going on in my life. New jobs, new town, new routines, new baby, new church....someday life will be normal again and I have faith that the good lord will pull me through.
